It's already March. Soon it will be April and I will be packing for my first abroad trip totally solo to Costa Rica. I am scared, nervous, excited and I truly believe that something on this trip is going to change my life. That's projecting, but I think I am going to really discover something about myself and I am going to take the time to really focus on me and make friends, explore, smile and relax. Maybe I will read books and lay on the beach, go zip lining and waterfall repelling, snorkel, do paddle board yoga classes every morning, go running on the beach, sleep in (yeah right) and eat. I am trying not to plan anything because then I set expectations for something that I don't want to have expectations for. I just want to stay present and live on the beach for a week!
I have been working out a lot and eating really healthy in order to reach my 2014 body goals. I really wanted to go to Costa Rica feeling great about myself and so that is what I will do. I read Cameron Diaz "The Body Book" and it really resonated with me. I recommend this to anyone, because it's super scientific and reminds us exactly how our bodies work.
I have channeled all of my focus and attention to being better. I want to be a better person, a better friend, healthier, happier, fitter, grow at work and at life in general, and just evolve and grow. I have endured my first heart break and although it was mutual and best thing for both of us, it's been a grieving process dealing with loss and all of the emotions that come with being hurt and sad. It's almost like being let down and not just by someone else, but by me. It's nobody's fault, as everything in life has a course of its own, but I certainly wish I could have seen things more clear sooner. I also understand that everything happens for a reason, or I'd like to believe so. Everything in life has a purpose and I shouldn't try and complicate that.
I have learned SO much this year alone and it is invaluable. I, of course, do not regret anything, but hindsight (like always), I understand the 5 W's or will soon.
I have busied myself with workout classes galore (AKT in Motion, Barry's Bootcamp, Equinox and Pure Barre), going out with friends, making friends, cooking and getting creative in the kitchen once again, and of course binge watching House of Cards. I have been reading and escaping in my imagination and I have been listening to lots of music. I don't sleep long, or well and wake up with a lot of energy (which is totally weird!!!). I think it's the excitement and inspiration that I feel like I have total possibility again and that is helping me find my balance and keeping me strong. It's not easy, but nothing really is. I had this thought on Friday, that I needed to let things go. I decided to let go of the bad energy and negative emotions and forgive and accept. I am not saying I do this 100% of the time, but through amazing friends and support, I now understand that I need to let go of things that no longer serve me. And it's not that it's about entitlement or power, it's that I realized that I wasn't getting what I wanted and deserved and that I could actually create and have what I want. I don't need to settle and it's totally possible to find exactly what or who I am looking for. I am not sure I am looking for anything, but I know I want something more, so now I can just live in possibility and that is such an amazing place to be in.
One day at a time, or that's what I keep telling myself anyway. I realized the other day something really interesting about people and relationships. I used to think that connection and chemistry was the same thing. But they simply are NOT. I have connections with anyone I have and keep close in my life right now. We are connected for a reason. In my relationships in the past there was always connection and some kind of chemistry that got us past any amount of time longer than a first date. I think that chemistry is actually easy to have with someone. You see a cute boy or girl, you're out at a bar flirting and talking, there's chemistry that's attracting two people together. It's chemical. Connecting with someone is so rare and so precious and those are the people we hold onto. I have met so many great people in this city and I have become amazing friends with just a few. A lot of it is the game of give and take and I do not tolerate takers, so I let people go easily who do not put fourth effort. If I am your friend I have your back. I would give and do anything for you. That's connection. To have both chemistry and connection is certainly a rare thing and it's probably one of the reasons that letting go was so hard for me this time. I know better now. Chemistry is to physical as connection is to emotional. It's something I have been thinking about a lot. I think it's fascinating.
2014 has been a crazy adventure so far and I am certain that it will continue to get more crazy, weird and for sure will give me lots to write about!
I have been instagraming a lot of different things, so check out my Instagram if you're interested in food, randomness and of course selfies. (Search kendratliff4). I have been using that as my photo journal because it's easier and faster.
I'll be posting a lot of my Costa Rica adventure there, should I have internet access and choose not to check out from technology (I don't think I could do that, or want to).
Until then... Much love from the city! XO