One month old and so much change!
On top of her growing (getting chunkier aka more delicious), she is making more fun sounds and turning her head when she hears my voice in the room. Her neck is getting stronger, her poops are getting bigger and her expressions are making us laugh everyday. She is such a yummy baby and my heart hurts sometimes because I love her so much!
In terms of mommying... I'm learning all about the cries! As a new Mom it feels horrible not being able to make her stop crying on the spot. I thought moms were magic that way! I cannot handle hearing her cry! I know her hungry, tired and bath time cries and those I can handle. But the times she cries in between, I lose my mind.
I can't say it's colic because it's not hours on end. I know she has gas (but all babies have that) and I think she has some acid reflux, but doesn't spit up all the time. I keep her up right after feedings (which during the night, is tricky all on its own). She just seems fussy sometimes and J always reassures me, "She's just being a baby," (literally).
It's been taking her hours to go to sleep. (Is that normal???!) There are moments we're both crying at the same time (both tired, grumpy and hopeless) and it's comical writing about it now, but pretty pitiful while it's happening! 😭
Babies like movement. They don't know how to fall asleep on their own at this point so in order to get to sleep sometimes she requires a tight cuddle in our arms and signals us to move around by squirming around and fussing. Swaddling helps sometimes, but she won't stay asleep if we swaddle her, so while I still consider rock and play LIFE, she won't stay asleep longer than an hour in it lately.
Sometimes to get her to sleep, I find myself walking what feels like my 4th mile loop in our bedroom holding her in any position that makes her calm.
The other night it was some late hour, it was my third attempt to lay her down (apparently closed eyes does not mean asleep). She had a fresh diaper, full belly, a Mom holding her rocking her, but would not cave!
Her eyes were heavy, but she wouldn't close them fully shut. If I stopped moving she started crying. If I laid her down with closed eyes, she woke up immediately bright eyed with adrenaline of over tiredness looking at me like, "Oh Heyyyy!" (I think it was time for her next feeding by the time she went to sleep)!!
I've googled so much I feel like I know it all, but also like I know nothing at the same time! 😂 Clearly she has something going on because of her sleep patterns or maybe it's normal, I can't decide! I'm constantly thinking, is this punishment or is this how all newborns are? Why hasn't anyone told me about this!
I feel like a bad Mom when I can't get my own baby to sleep, and I feel even worse for feeling guilty that I'm frustrated she won't go to sleep. I feel like I'm failing when she's crying or when she stays awake longer than she should. I feel like we should be on a schedule like all the other babies. I have to remind myself she's still new, I'm new and we're trying to figure this out together.
I'm trying to savor the cuddles and holding a small precious baby, but at late night hours I'm ready to spend my savings and hire a baby nurse! 😂
Sleep deprivation is real ya'll and it makes me have all sorts of mommy insecurities! It's sooooo so so so so so so hard trying to figure this out. Mommy blogs and articles are my saving grace and worst nightmare!
For instance, "they" say to put the baby down when they are drowsy so they learn to fall asleep on their own (self soothe), but if I do that she wakes up immediately and is screaming 5 minutes later. At that point we've passed her sleep window and entered the "over tired" stage (Which sucks for both of us. There goes my shower, lunch or dinner!)!! The blogs don't tell me how to troubleshoot! They just assume that all babies falls asleep after you lay them down "drowsy."
Do l let her cry it out! Some experts say she's too young for that, others say start training from the beginning. My friends say don't worry about it, don't be hard on your self, J tells me I'm doing awesome everyday. But am I?
I have a lot of support around me and still feel alone and while I'm told this is all normal, Is this motherhood? (I'm told yes, yes it is). 😂
She won't sit in any seat or swing longer than 10 minutes. She just wants to be attached to me! It's sweet, but normal? I call the k'tan, baby jail! If she fusses during nap times I have to stick her in it. I don't eat until noon or later some days, and at some point my inner hangry takes over and I put her in the wrap. She fights me, but once she's tucked away in there she caves and falls asleep.
Nursing is getting better, but harder too. I'm learning the things I can eat that won't upset her and I think I know why moms who breastfeed lose weight! (You can't eat anything)!! As a foodie it's hard to let go of a lot of foods, but I'll do it for her! No wonder women stop nursing or don't do it at all after 6 weeks!
We also learned yesterday that she refuses bottles. So that's an obstacle we have to over come before I go back to work. Or just soon, so I can start to integrate back into society.
I guess the saying that being a mom is the toughest most rewarding job ever is true. For sleepless nights, I get her snuggling into my neck. In exchange for loud cries, I get to listen to her little baby breaths when she's calm. For tough nap times, there are wake up times when I get to pick her chunky sweetness up and kiss her until she grunts at me. I feel so lucky, proud and in love. With every new body fat roll, new expression, new milestone, I am in awe of her greatness!
Ruby is an amazing little baby who has already pushed me in becoming a stronger woman. I hope that means she will be strong too. I think overall, we are both achieving new depths and benchmarks and we're preparing each other for the next!
Bring on the smiles! ❤️
Ruby is growing so fast I can't take it!
She has outgrown a lot of newborn outfits that were big on her just two weeks ago. I'm afraid she won't be able to wear all of her gifted outfits that are newborn size. 😩
As a new mom, we think we need so many clothes, and we stock up and register for tons! The truth is, you just don't need a lot at this stage. Maybe she's a little lady, but she's not messy. So far everything stays contained in the diaper (knock on wood) and we haven't had to change outfits multiple times a day (this comes later). While dress up sounds fun, she hates being naked and makes enough fuss when I change her in the mornings to remind me not to do that again until bath time!
I'm nursing, and that's a story on its own, but when she lays across my body horizontally, her legs and feet no longer tuck into my stomach. She stretches out long and her feet dangle off my side. I can't help but tickle her feet and admire the rolls forming on her thighs. I see some ankle and wrist rolls starting to take shape (as my cousin likes to call them "bracelets") and I find myself just admiring her for awkwardly long moments of time 😍.
She is delicious. The chunkier she gets the more I love her. She makes cute sounds when she's awake and is interacting more and more. She makes weird sounds all night and has bad dreams about monsters that make her cry in her sleep ☹️.
I'm learning to differentiate between "nightmares" and "feed me" cries and knowing the difference can be an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep. We are getting 3-3.5 hour stretches at night. I still won't let her nap longer than 2.5 hours during the day. Her sleeping arrangements are.... (guilty 😬) accommodating (cough cough rock and play). Don't judge me, it works! I promise to be tougher when I can sleep train her... but for now we both just need sleep. J and I have already established our roles as good cop and bad cop. Guess who I am? 🙈 😂.
She has a pitiful cry that always makes me laugh / give her whatever she wants and there's something that makes me want to melt when she sticks out her bottom lip when she's relaxing. She has a very strong neck and is constantly surprising me with her ability to move.
She doesn't scream with diaper changes any more, and she is getting used to bath time. She naps and eats the majority of my day and I try and do some tasks and cook in those short intervals. Surprisingly, I have been cooking a lot. And even more shocking I really enjoy being home all day with her. I thought I'd go crazy after a week, but I'm enjoying and savoring all my time with her now.
We usually don't leave the bedroom until after 10. Sometimes later. I stayed in my pj's and robe the other day, all day. I had never done that before. Today, I threw on a tank top and lulu leggings and J asked me why I was dressed up 🙈. We have a routine, and as much as I didn't want to be a schedule fanatic, it works and keeps everyone sane.
This is life at three weeks, and it has changed my soul. ❤️
Ruby is two weeks old and has gained a pound since last week. She's a hefty 7lb and 8oz today, and it's been a joint effort on hers, mine and his part. She's still so tiny, but I feel her getting longer and heavier everyday. She is so precious and has what we hope to be an innate sweetness about her, (could just be a newborn thing 😂).
I learn something new about her every day. I learn something about myself too. I am "savoring" every cry, sleepless hour, sound, facial expression, look, cuddle and quirk.
I am taking advantage of the 4-6 weeks I have where we don't have to follow "the rules" and any sort of schedule. It's the first time in my life where I want time to slow down. I want to freeze it.
I am mesmerized when she's sleeping and find myself missing her when she's been napping for more than an hour (def. a new mom thing?!)
I get 2.5 hour stretches at night and while that may sound miserable, it's actually amazing compared to week one. I am grateful for her health, happiness and all of the light she has brought into our lives.
Most of the time, I have a hard time believing I'm a Mom, like it's not real. Apparently 9 months of carrying her wasn't enough reality for me. I think it hits me the hardest at awkward times. At 3 am where I'm exhausted, half asleep, begging an unknown source for sleep. I'll look down at her while shes eating, with her sweet eyes closed tight, not a care in the world but survival, and realize she's totally dependent on me, on us, her family. And I think, holy shit, she's all ours... she's mine for that moment.
Nursing is a really beautiful, painful, bonding experience and it's our time to connect, trust, learn and get to know each other.
The reality of motherhood is so much more than anyone ever talks about. There is so much going on and it's just an incredibly magical, (utterly exhausting) process.
It shouldn't be any other way. ❤️
It's been a life changing week for us as we welcomed a baby girl into our lives last Thursday!!
She surprised us by being not only being a girl, (as we were certain we were having a boy), but by being 10 days early as well. Having a baby is no joke, and whileI knew it would be tough, three hours of pushing was not something anyone prepared me for!
From pregnancy to giving birth, this entire journey has been incredible. We wouldn't have had it any other way, and we are grateful for a happy, healthy and super hungry baby! We are all learning and adjusting to each other and it's been a beautiful experience. Joshua and I appreciate all of the love and support from from our loved ones and thank you for respecting our privacy while we figured out how to operate on a weeks worth of sleepless nights. ❤️
Motherhood has proven to be the most overwhelming, challenging, and without question, the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I am forever changed. My entire purpose has shifted and everything I thought I knew about love, has morphed into something better than I ever could have imagined. We are mesmerized and so in love with her newborn sweetness.
Welcome to life Ruby! ❤️
Ruby Rose Martinez
Date: Thursday, April 6, 2017
Weight: 6lbs 10oz
Height: 19.7 inch
Time born: 3:48pm